Pain Ninja

I've come to the conclusion that I'm being stalked by the Pain Ninja.  He knows where I am at all times, day or night.  While I sleep, and even when I think I'm safe, he's there.

Today alone, I've had a run in with the Pain Ninja three times.  First, when I was working, I went into the warehouse and tripped on absolutely nothing and twisted my ankle.  He was there.  Second, when again I was working and I was stuffing envelopes, he swooped in with a nasty paper cut.  And then, two hours ago, I was going down my stairs and instead of moving the fence to keep the dog going upstairs and annoy the ever living snot out of Grandpa, I tried to jump it.  And there he was, waiting for me.  I could feel him near by, but that didn't stop me.  I wanted to jump the fence.  And he wanted me to try to jump the fence.  As soon as both feet were in the air, I knew I was screwed.  The Pain Ninja grabbed my sock and snared it onto the fence, causing me to flail in mid air before I landed on my knees on the last step and then roll onto the floor, fence landing on top of me. 

I'm not sure what I did to invoke the full rage of the Pain Ninjas wrath.  Even as a small child I remember minding my own business, not bothering a sing soul, and he would show up, band aids in tow. 

Sometimes its easily to tell when he's lurking around.  I can see him behind a bush or car, just waiting for the most opportune moment.  Sometimes I've even been able to avoid him or deflect his attack onto someone else.  Example, once Sister and I were playing with our then brand new puppy. Puppy was small and fluffy, but get her going, and she turns into a ferocious beast.  Puppy was in a particularly ferocious mood and was biting hard when Sister and I were playing with her. Puppy lunged to bite me on my face.  For some reason, I became distracted and turned my head just in time for puppy to fly past me and bite Sister on the face instead.  Pain Ninja wasn't going to get me that time.

Other times, Pain Ninja would turn my own family against me in his quest for misery.  Example, family and I had just got back from a long day at the lake and we were putting our boat away into the garage.  Both of the wheel chucks (wedges to put under tires so they wont roll) were on the side Brother was on.  I asked him if he could pass me a wheel chuck, but the Pain Ninja had convinced him to instead throw the wheel chuck as hard as he could straight at my face.  This time, the Pain Ninja succeeded in his quest.  I had to get four stitches for his plot.

Needless to say, I'm scared of Pain Ninja.  And you should be too.  Cause he will find you...